A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
