oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
