Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
