another moral hangover. fuck.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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