mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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