its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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