Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
