Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
