I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
