Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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