get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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