I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
