Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
