I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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