This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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