We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize