HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
