That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i was in the wii world.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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