and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
