Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Enjoy the penises
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
