I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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