Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
