Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
