did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We smell like vodka and hangover
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