hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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