Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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