what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
