If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
