Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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