i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
