The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
