I faked an abortion last night.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
