I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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