your room smells of hookers.
And success
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
