Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
