Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
