Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
