this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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