i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
