We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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