can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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