This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
