What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need water and some morals
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
