you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
