If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
