I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
