whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
