she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize