He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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