is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
