He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
