Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
