im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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