had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
