I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
