I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize