I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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