my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
