Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
