I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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