he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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