ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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