dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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