thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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