You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
