on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
