And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
