He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
