How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
