All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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