I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
