he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
