i love accidental penises.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
