I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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