were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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