i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm both gender and math confused
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
