I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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