Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize