Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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