I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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