She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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