i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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