I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
