Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm at about main and main street
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
