how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize